بِسْمِ اللهِ الرَّحْمٰنِ الرَّحِيْمِ
Sorry, There’s too many things going on at the moment so I won’t be posting as much as usual.
My recovery is taking too long. I’m starting to feel helpless, hopeless and depressed. I feel like an invalid am an invalid. I can barely do anything myself. I have to be helped to the bathroom, to make wudhu and being served breakfast in bed is no longer exciting because it now just makes me feel like a bigger burden. I’m getting extremely bored because there is only so much you can do while lying in bed. I’ve read just about every thing in the house. Every book, novel,magazine, newspaper, kitaab and even Ma’ariful Quran cover to cover. Picking up the only kitaab I haven’t completed from my bedside, I opened it hoping for some distraction from my depressing situation and even more depressing thoughts.
قَالَ رَسُولُ اللَّهِ ـ صلى الله عليه وسلم ـ ” مَنْ يَتَقَبَّلُ لِي بِوَاحِدَةٍ وَأَتَقَبَّلُ لَهُ بِالْجَنَّةِ ” قُلْتُ أَنَا . قَالَ ” لاَ تَسْأَلِ النَّاسَ شَيْئًا “ . قَالَ فَكَانَ ثَوْبَانُ يَقَعُ سَوْطُهُ وَهُوَ رَاكِبٌ فَلاَ يَقُولُ لأَحَدٍ نَاوِلْنِيهِ حَتَّى يَنْزِلَ فَيَأْخُذَهُ .
“The Messenger of Allah said: ‘Who will commit himself to one thing, I will guarantee him paradise?’ I said: ‘I will.’ He said: ‘Do not ask people for anything.’ So Thawban would drop his whip while he was on his mount, and he would not say to anyone: ‘Get that for me’ rather he would dismount and grab it.”
Reading this hadith brought me back to my senses. ‘Enough is enough,’ I told myself, ‘you can’t go on like this’. Everyone is serving me and doing everything for me and that is the reason why I’m are not happy. I want to be guaranteed Jannah too, so it’s about time I get out of this bed, out of this room and out of all the gloom. I need to slowly start helping myself and raising my spirits and the first way to this is to get over my phobia for wheel chairs. I already feel like an invalid anyway so the wheel chair shouldn’t make to much of a difference right?
I called out for the nurse to help me and now already feeling much better decided to start taking it as an adventure. Alhamdulillah it actually wasn’t so bad. It was bringing back memories of how we would get so much of shouting for pushing and racing each other in trolleys in our teens. Just being out of my room was already making me feel so much better. I slowly learned to start wheeling myself instead of having to be pushed around.
I entered the kitchen and catching sight of my mother in law asked if I could help with any thing. She whirled around and stared at me in shock causing me to burst into laughter. Helping her with whatever I could in the kitchen was already making me start to feel normal. I don’t know why I didn’t do this before. Realising that she hadn’t said a word about Khawla being in niqaab throughout her chatter, I realised that she probably didn’t know. She must have still been sleeping when Khawla went to school. I wonder whether this is a good thing or a bad thing.