48. What do I do?

بِسْمِ اللهِ الرَّحْمٰنِ الرَّحِيْمِ

What do I do? It’s taking everything in me not to give in. If I give in, I’ll spoil my record, not to mention upset mummy and most of all, anger my rabb. The fact that Basheera is stuck with her nose in a book, is not helping at all. Now I’m walking around aimlessly unsure what to do.

Shaytaan taking full advantage of this whispered encouragingly, “Mummy is not here. You are so bored. It’s not like you haven’t watched before, so what difference will one more time make? In fact you used to follow this very program before and don’t you want to know what’s going on currently?

The boys are not here today so there is no purda story. Sit and watch with you family and spend some time with them. The holidays are almost over. Spend some time with them because you don’t know when you are going to see them next. Make the most of the little time you have left. Don’t you know how important family ties are?”

Everyone else was sitting in front of the TV watching a program I used to follow and I really really want to know what happened since the last time I watched. I wanted to join them but I knew it was wrong. I couldn’t let those months of hard work go down the drain or could I?

On one hand I know it’s wrong and on the other hand shaytaan was making it as enticing as possible and giving me an excuse to assuage every fear that was stopping me. I knew the guilt would eat me if I gave in. I knew Allah was watching me! How was I supposed to answer to Allah?

Sensing my determination shaytaan used another ploy. “It’s ok if you don’t want to watch, just listen then. The TV is blasting anyway, anywhere in the house that you go, you won’t be able to escape it. You really want to know what’s going on and you won’t be watching TV. It’s a win-win situation.”

“Stop fooling yourself Khawla. One of the major reason TV is Haraam is because of the music. Although you only intend to listen to what’s going on, you’re bound to hear the music anyway and be affected by it.

Music is something that so many people take lightly but Rasulullah صَلَّى اللّٰهُ عَلَيْهِ said that music breeds hypocrisy in the heart. Hypocrisy! Do you even know what this means? It means you don’t have true Imaan. It means you’re just acting like a muslim claiming to love Allah, when in reality you don’t.

It means you won’t be able to recite the kalimah at the time of death! This means you destined for Jahannum! Did you know this? And yet many of us take it so lightly. SO lightly that we even add it to “nasheeds” and claim now there’s nothing wrong because the nasheed is about Allah. What a load of rubbish. Stop fooling yourself.

This is a test, a test of whether your nafs and shaytaan is stronger than your Imaan, a test of how sincere you are,” I told myself  “You can do this Khawla, you can do this… I need a distraction, and fast!”

 

 

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Author:

Just aspiring to inspire through the pen, or should I say, keyboard. May Allah Ta’ala accept my efforts and make it a source of Hidayah for the Ummah.

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